i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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