Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize