ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
