My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize