What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
