I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
