Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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