I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
