Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
