I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
