Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
