News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
