My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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