I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
