I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how do flat chested girls get laid?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
