Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
