The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
