did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
