I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
