Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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