she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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