I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize