so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk is not a location!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
