your parents love me but you hate me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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