i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
