i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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