its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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