So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
