What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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