Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
