I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
