Redeem this text for a blowjob
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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