I CAN MOONWALK!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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