no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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