Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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