just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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