the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
