I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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