I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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