I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
