yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
