Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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