did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
