I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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