In America we eat man semen.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You made out with two different species that night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
