I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
