every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
