who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
