I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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