If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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