it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
