She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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