Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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