I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i will never coherently bang her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
