At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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