Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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