Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
