The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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