I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
