we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
