shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
