Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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