How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
