but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
