hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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