I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
