I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
