God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
