Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
