from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
