now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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