Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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