your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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