my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
