just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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