the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
