were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
