Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
