Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
