Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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