Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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