You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize