do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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