im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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