I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize