We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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