found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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