the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
