Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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