we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
