i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
