just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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