Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
