he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
