I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
