If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
