he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
