I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize