Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All the doctor said was why
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
