So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
