Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
