Tell her she can't have a vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you win again, gameday.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize