I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My ATM looks so different sober.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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