I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
