my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
