I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
