Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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