i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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