Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She told me I should be a condom model.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
