Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
