Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
