I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize